Parliamentary expenses scandal on the verge of collapsing known universe

08Feb10

There are worries that the actions of Members of Parliament are leading to such high levels of disbelief that the fabric of reality may be in danger of being torn asunder. Voters may become so disenfranchised that they cease to exist.

The new revelations came as the Parliamentary expenses scandal reasserted itself and it became apparent that MPs facing charges would invoke the ancient convention of parliamentary privilege to avoid trial. The uproar that met this news has far greater repercussions than first thought.

Cambridge University’s Applied Philosophy and Reality Preservation Unit (APRPU) has been measuring changes in the essence of being and reached a conclusion that recent developments in the MP’s Expense Scandal are the final straw. The phenomenological foundations upon which many people base their experience of reality are in an extremely fragile state.

Professor Stephen Cornway has stated that the situation transcends the level of mere farce and is grave and unprecedented.

‘Until recently, Consensus Reality had formed a delicately balanced agency relationship with man. It helped us to comprehend the world, and in return man offered comic relief to passing aliens. This narrative allowed the show to go on, because if nobody witnesses something then it ceases to exist.  It is a basic and fundamental Pratchett Law, intrinsic to everything.

There were previously accepted truths such as the popular ‘You can’t trust an MP’ mantra. However, the actions of these four have pushed the boundaries of belief so far, that the public cannot even approach a mindset in which it can incorporate their actions into any realistic narrative of the world. This leads to the inevitable questioning of the grip on reality that these men have and as a consequence the public’s own ability to actually believe that this is happening. This is a hammer blow to the physche. Such a crisis in perception and a mind boggling affront to rational actions could very well unravel the fabric of time and space.’

In response to this harrowing statement an unidentified MP claimed that this was nothing to do with Parliament.

‘We wouldn’t be in this position if the Telegraph bloody well kept its nose out of our affairs. If there are any tears in the space time continuum then it will be on their heads. We have laws that prevent this and protect the interests of rational security and, quite frankly, why they weren’t gagged in the first place is beyond me.’

We sent this statement to the APRPU for analysis and are awaiting the results.

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